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The Top 10 Ways to Reduce Violence

I happen to live near the one of the tragic "school shootings" of the recent past, and I've seen how the grief, anger, heartache and turmoil have impacted our community. It has brought home that a general abhorrence of violence is not enough. While I'm sure others will have different, and perhaps wiser, suggestions about how to reduce violence, here are my Top 10 Ways to Reduce Violence. If you can improve them, I welcome your feedback, but I suspect it may be more important and more useful if you write a letter to your local newspaper or school board. Together, we can reduce and perhaps eliminate violence.

1. Disconnect anger from violence. I am convinced that human beings get angry, and that anger at injustice is often justified. There is healthy anger that insists, "There has to be a better way!" I shutter when I hear parents tell children, "You shouldn't be angry." Tell them instead, "You're feelings are OK, you can be angry, but you may not hit or hurt others."

2. See the connection between the love of violence and violence itself. Fascination with brutality, guns and bombs, war and evil must increase the chances for violent behavior. I can't prove that, it just seems likely to me.

3. See the connection between all levels of violence. Insults and taunting, humiliation and shaming are forms of violence. When we treat people badly, it should not surprise us when they seek a way to "get even."

4. Take all violence seriously. Playground bullies and sibling rivalries do not have to be accepted as part of life, at least not when children are getting hurt. Kids squabbling over "my toy" is one thing; hitting or pulling hair or knocking each other down is something else. We do not have to accept it as normal behavior.

5. Take troubled, angry people seriously. We talk about needing more early intervention with troubled kids, and I agree. But people of all ages get trapped in situations they can't handle, with emotions they don't know how to express. Domestic violence, violence among co-workers and among children should always be treated as a serious matter. Hitting and hurting, and threatening to hurt, are not OK.

6. Deal with the availability of guns. Knives, cars, and a thousand other things also kill people, but guns have a unique place in the American imagination. Of course, they also have a place in the rich tradition of hunting and target shooting. I don't have all the answers, but hunting seems different than having military-style weapons available in millions of homes across the country. There must be a better system.

7. Acknowledge the connection between violent images and violent behavior. I abhor censorship, so this is a tough one. But if 30-second images can sell us lipstick and Buicks, and change the way we vote, it seems likely that hours and hours of explosions, shootings, fights and mayhem may also influence behavior. To be blunt, I am particularly troubled by the violence in video games and the number of violent "action adventure" movies we support as a culture. Something strange is going on!

8. Acknowledge the connection between sports and violent behavior. Again, sports is a sacred icon in American culture, but it seems that sports have been separated from athletics. Instead of every child participating in gym class and competing in intramural sports, we have a culture of super-hero super-stars who are virtually above the law. Hockey, basketball, football and other sports all tolerate behavior that would result in arrest for assault outside the sports arena. Competition and fitness are valuable; organized violence is not acceptable!

9. Acknowledge the connection between language and violence. Business uses the language of the battlefield, and sports is full of encouragement to "get out there and kill", "massacre them", and "beat their brains out". Our legal system is based on the idea of lawyer's doing battle. While hiring a representative to fight with words instead of clubs was a huge step forward in the middle ages, perhaps our society is ready for an even higher level of conflict resolution.

10. See the violence in ourselves. Sometimes I find myself so angry I "daydream" about violence, or "really showing them". I hear jokes that use the phrase, "Just shoot the bastards!" I know if "looks could kill" or if cutting statements actually drew blood, I'd be in deep trouble. Violence is not just someone else's problem. I must work for peace, love and improved conflict resolution in my own life. How about you?

posted by uzqqkdq @ 9:56 PM 0 comments

Gain Confidence and Boost Self Esteem in 5 Simple Steps

We all want to become more confident and feel good about ourselves so we can live our very best life. Here are some ways to gain confidence and raise self-esteem:

1. Do something that requires a decision and a follow-through.

Have you been putting off writing that letter to aunt Martha? Is there a friend youve been meaning to call? Wash the car, tidy the garden or clean the house. Youll gain confidence by setting goals (even small ones) and following through on them.

2. Enjoy something you do well.

Do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy playing? Some things like going swimming, painting or writing can hold your attention and get you into a state of flow. While you are in the flow you forget about everything else.

Afterwards, youll feel competent and capable. Its a great way to boost your self-esteem. If you dont have any particular hobbies or pastimes that you enjoy make an effort to try something youve always wanted to try.

Picture yourself doing it, and then give it a try! It doesnt have to be something big - it can be as simple as joining a walking club.

Youll find that you are more centered and happier if you do something that puts you in that flow at least once a week.

3. Shift the focus.

Its been shown that low self-esteem develops hand-in-hand with individuals who put too much focus on themselves. You can gain confidence by doing something that focuses on someone else or even something else.

Youll find that when you are in a situation where you are meeting new people, you immediately become less nervous when you focus on the person you are meeting.

At the end of the day, youve interacted with others and will notice that you feel much lighter.

4. Relax, already!

Learning to become more relaxed is a great life enhancer. People who are more relaxed have fewer problems with their memories and are more likely to take the bumps in the road of life in stride.

The practice of meditation has gained popularity for this reason. You might want to look into Tai Chi, which involves physical relaxation techniques.

Whatever method you decide on, take relaxation seriously. The benefits are just too great to ignore. If youve never considered relaxation important, think of it this way: if you can attend to something that results in feeling good, how can you not gain confidence in your personal abilities?

5. Make a list of everything youve ever accomplished.

Think small. An accomplishment is an accomplishment! Some things you could put on your list: passed my drivers test and got my license, scored a goal when I played hockey, managed to save enough money to go on a trip and so on.

These are just a few ideas you can use to gain confidence and boost your self-esteem. Use these ideas as a base point and add these things permanently in your life.

Keep in mind, people are not born with good self-esteem, most of us have to work at it. It develops from your thinking and the things you do daily to make yourself feel good.

posted by uzqqkdq @ 7:57 PM 0 comments